Orange Crush
by OzellaMarie
Summary: Bella Swan's life is turned upside down when a hunky new guy moves in next door. Will she be able to handle 'Sex on Legs? Or will he think she's a complete fruit cake? Edward/Bella/Drabble/Romance/Humor
1. You're In My Bush!

**Chapter 1**

**You're In My Bush!**

* * *

He's taunting me.

I know he's taunting me.

_He_ knows he's taunting me.

The way he's walking around with his shirt off is driving me crazy.

His abs are so tight, intricately sculpted, and very lick worthy. I want to drag my tongue across every ridge.

He's so hot, so beautiful and, if my assumptions are right, he's probably hot in the sack.

This is funny coming from me. I know absolutely nothing about the sack, or anything that goes on in it, seeing as I'm still a virgin.

I suck. I mean, really, who's still a virgin at twenty-four nowadays? Me. That's who.

The only time I ever came close enough to getting my taco glazed was the night at Angela Weber's sleepover, when I was seventeen, which turned into a massive party. The same sleepover my dad forced me to go to. To this day he thinks I don't know about his little rendezvous with Shelley Cope that night. I mean, he all but drove me to Angela's house...but enough about that.

Oh God, he sees me. He's looking this way.

I need to hide. Fuck, these bushes aren't tall enough.

I crouch down.

I hold my breath.

I count to twenty and hope like hell that he just walks away.

Maybe he'll think I'm crazy. The crazy chick next door.

That might be a good thing.

I could act slightly nutty.

I hear a crunching noise.

I get down farther and screw my eyes shut.

Please don't see me…please don't see me…

The crunching stops.

I open my eyes and that's when I see them, tips of toes. I trail my eyes up a little farther and see a set of hairy legs, and tight calves.

It's him.

It has to be him.

I draw in a breath, willing the embarrassment inducing debacle to disappear.

And just as I suspected…

"Do you always hide behind bushes?"

* * *

**Well...I think Bella needs a new hiding spot!**

**Sunflower Fanfiction, thanks, bb!**

**And to my pre-readers, Artemis Leaena and Heather, you guys rawk!**

**Okay...so what did ya think?**


	2. Orange You Weird

**Chapter 2**

**Orange You Weird**

* * *

The crackling behind the bushes gave her away, but the fact that I felt her eyes on me before I even turned around, aroused me on more than it probably should have.

What I wanted to do was scare the living shit out of her, maybe jump out from behind the bushes, arms flailing. Yeah. That would've sent her squealing.

I've seen her before, about a week ago. She didn't know it at the time, but I watched her last Saturday morning, and I was truly fascinated by her. That big floppy orange hat she wore pretty much consumed her entire head. And her clothes were something entirely of their own. Last weekend when I watched her planting flowers in front of her house, she was wearing a white tank top, a pair of very skimpy denim shorts, with tiny rips all over them, and a pair of white Chucks. But what really got me were the bright orange socks she wore that stretched clear up to her knees, and the large orange framed sunglasses that sat awkwardly on the bridge of her small nose.

The girl is a complete enigma, and I'm fully prepared to find out everything about her.

"Do you always hide behind bushes?" I ask, standing in front of her, her face is inches from my feet.

I watch as she slowly brings her head up. It's not as if I don't know that she's the same girl as last week, seeing as though she's wearing that same orange hat on top of her head.

When the girl gets to her feet, she adjusts the hideous hat, and without warning looks me right in the eye.

I'm taken aback. She's gorgeous. I can't help but stare.

"I…um…I…" she sputters out, casting her eyes to the ground, not looking at me anymore, as she shakes her head back and forth. And for a minute a thought crosses my mind.

Great…she's gorgeous, _and_ she's mentally ill.

Just my luck...

* * *

**Bella, you are one strange cookie...**

**Sunflower Fanfiction, thanks a million, bb! (((hugs)))**

**And to my pre-readers, Artemis Leaena and Heather, you guys rock!**

**Well, let's hear it!**


	3. DYUTWCOOMM?

**Chapter 3**

**Do You Understand The Words Coming Out Of My Mouth?**

* * *

I could die…

I should die…

What's the quickest way for an immediate death?

Why is he _looking_ at me like that?

"Hey, um…are you all right? Is there someone I can call for you?"

I see his mouth opening, and hear words spilling from his lips, but all I can do is stare. I'm so hopeless. He probably thinks I'm an idiot. Or he probably thinks…

"Maybe she forgot to take her meds today, you idiot," I hear him say in a whisper, as he reaches up and rubs the back of his neck. "Maybe if I call 911…"

"Wait…what?!" I yelp, getting to my feet, only to have my equilibrium suddenly become off balance, and start to stagger towards my new neighbor. "Jesus!"

Before I can rightfully steady myself, a set of big strong arms wrap around my waist and stop me from eating pavement. Thank God for small miracles, because falling face first into the ground is something I'd truly like to avoid. However…

"Easy," my new neighbor warns, as my body continues to lean farther into him. "Just relax."

It doesn't take me long to notice just how incredibly hot this man really is. My gaze snaps up to his face, and my breath gets caught in my throat as his deep green eyes catch me off guard. A slow burn sets in between my legs, and I try to squeeze my thighs together for some much needed friction.

I open and close my mouth in an attempt to speak when I'm caught off guard by a loud, shrieking voice. "Edward! Edward, did you eat my Eggos, damn you?!"

Before I realize what's going on, a short, sprite of a woman pops up from behind the bushes, her glare in full effect.

"I told you to stay the hell away from my…Oh! Who's your friend?"

My new neighbor still has his arms around my waist, and I can see his chest rise and fall with a quickness, as he searches for his words.

"Uh…this is uh…" he begins, scrunching his brows before saying in a rather slow, loud voice, almost taking baby steps as he speaks, "WHAT. IS. YOUR. NAME?"

Why is he talking to me like I'm…Oh hell! He thinks I'm...slow.

* * *

**Bwahahahaha! Just thinking of Edward talking slowly to Bella had me cracking myself up!  
**

**To my beta, Sunflower Fanfiction, you rawk hard, bb!  
**

**And to my pre-readers, Artemis Leaena and Heather, big hugs to you both!  
**

**Okay...let's hear it!  
**


	4. Let Me Lick Yer Lollipop!

**Chapter 4**

**Let Me Lick Yer Lollipop!**

* * *

"Edward, what the hell are you doing?"

I quickly wiggle out of, well, Edward's hold, and take a few needed steps backward, trying to adjust my hat as it starts to slip off of my head.

"I'm trying to ask her a question," Edward says to the woman behind the bushes. "What the hell does it look like I'm doing?"

"Funny. From where I'm standing," the woman scoffs, "it looks like you're being a human lollipop!"

I watch as the woman, I'm assumingishis girlfriend, walks around the bushes. If I was correct, I'd say that she isn't more than four foot five. Her hair is truly a work of art, spiky, jet black, with hot pink tips. She looks up at me and smiles a cheeky grin, as she places her hands on either of her hips.

"Hi," she says, thrusting her hand out to me, "my name is Alice. What's yours?"

I give her a small smile and take her hand in mine. "Isabella. But my friends and family call me Bella."

Alice's smile grows even wider. "Well, _Bella_, I think you and I are gonna get along just find. And maybe, become very good friends. By the way, I love your hat"

As Alice and I exchange a few pleasantries, I almost forget about the fact that my hot, new neighbor is standing next to us, until….

"_Hello_?" Edward scoffs, throwing his arms out. "Forget something?"

Both Alice and I stop talking and turn to Edward. He actually looks kind of hot, all pissed off and confused with his brows scrunched together.

"No, Edward, we did not," Alice says pointedly.

Edward gives the short woman and incredulous look, throwing his arms out again. "Wha…?"

"C'mon, Bella," Alice says, walking over to me, and linking her arm through mine. "Let's go talk some girl talk."

* * *

***snickers* Oh, that Alice!**

**A big thanks goes out to my beta, Sunflower Fanfiction, yer da bomb!  
**

**And to my pre-readers, Artemis Leaena and Heather, the cream to my filling! And ****Artemis Leaena**, you see what I did here? Working your editing comment in the story. *winks*  


**Okay...let's hear them thoughts!  
**


	5. This Choke's For You!

**Chapter 5**

**This Choke's For You!  
**

* * *

Alice can be rather controlling of any situation when she wants to be.

And this would be one of those times.

"So, Bella, how long have you lived next door?"

I watch the quirky woman as she walks timidly into my house, on guard, as if something were going to jump out and bite her in the ass.

"All my life," she answers.

"That's so awesome!" Alice squeals, pulling Bella even closer to her.

I swear I think I seethe poor girl jump back. Not that I blame her any. Alice's high pitched noises can literally make anyone cringe.

"So, that means you can give me all of the juicy gossip about the place!"

"Maybe," Bella replies.

I watch as her eyes scan my half-decorated living room, until they land on my most prized possession. She looks fascinated as she runs a slender finger over the ivory bones, tinkling a few in its wake.

"Do you play?" Alice pipes in, and both mine and Bella's eyes flash to her.

Bella shakes her head. "No. But my mom did. All of the time."

"Well, Edward over here can play till the sun comes up."

I cut my eyes toward the infuriating imp.

Bella nods, and barely looks at me from under her long lashes, lashes that are truly amazing to look at.

"So," she says, looking between Alice and me, "how long have you guys been married?"

And with that…I choke on air.

* * *

**Someone get Edward a paper bag. I think he might start hyperventilating soon!**

**Sunflower Fanfiction, thanks a billion, hun!  
**

**And to my pre-readers, Artemis Leaena and Heather, you guys are so awesome!  
**

**Okay...thoughts?  
**


	6. Exit Stage Left!

**Chapter 6  
**

**Exit Stage Left!  
**

* * *

The walls feel like they are closing in on me.

How can she possibly think that Alice and I are married? That's disgusting on many different levels.

"No!"

I quickly fucking realize how loud I said that, not to mention the fact I may have squeak-yelled it in the process.

"No…you _don't_ know how long you've been married?" Bella asks, her brows reaching the skies.

A loud, barking laugh erupts off to the left to me, as I see Alice doubled over in a fit of giggles.

_Pain in my ass!_

"Oh, God! That…_that_ is some funny stuff," Alice says, trying ineffectively to catch her breath as her giggling continues.

"I don't get it," says Bella, as she looks between the tiny ditz and me.

"We're not married," I tell her in a rush of words, giving my sister the stink eye. "Alice is my sister. That's just…damn."

For a brief moment, I think I see Bella's lips turn up a fraction, and her brows slightly rise at my admission.

"Oh," she finally says, her lips forming the perfect 'O' shape. "I didn't…"

"Don't sweat it," Alice says, waving Bella off, and moving toward the kitchen. "Are you hungry, Bella?"

Something flashes in Bella's eyes as she looks at me for a minute, a minute that seems to last forever.

I can't place the look.

I want to place the look.

Damn it! Why can't I place _that_ look?

And before I can get my internal badgering to stop, Bella makes quick work in getting herself over to the front door.

"Um…I have to go."

My head starts to fog.

No!

Why is she leaving?

No!

"What the hell?" I say, looking over at my sister.

Alice shrugs, wide-eyed. "All I did was offer her something to eat."

My legs whip into action. I run out the front door that Bella left wide open, and scan the front yard. As soon as my eyes land on the house next door, all I see is that damn bright orange hat and the door slam behind it.

Fuck. My. Life.

* * *

**And...she's off!  
**

**Sunflower Fanfiction...you are so awesome, bb! Thank you!  
**

**And to my pre-readers, ****Artemis Leaena and Heather**, thanks ladies! (((hugs)))  


**Alright...what do ya got?  
**


	7. Where Art Thou Taco?

**Chapter 7**

**Where Art Thou Taco?**

* * *

He's not married.

He's not married.

HE'S NOT MARRIED!

Oh, God, what am I going to do? I must've looked like a raging lunatic. No, no. Better yet, I must've looked like a total ass-hat running out of that house. But who wouldn't? I mean, the guy is some serious man goodness rolled up into a pretty package of sweet, tooth aching, eye candy. And now he probably thinks that I'm a few tacos short of a fiesta pack. Yes, it's safe to say that I am truly loco in the…

"Hey! Bella, you in there?"

Oh, holy crappola! He found me!

My legs move on their own accord, as I dive behind the couch and bring them up to my chest, pulling my orange hat over my face.

"Bella, please open the door. I just want to talk to you."

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

"Bella?"

He's relentless!

All right _taco_, let's do this thing.

I unravel myself and quickly get to my feet. My heart beats triple time as I near the front door. It's like I can almost feel the heat of his hand radiating from the other side of the oak. As I turn the knob, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"What do you…"

Where the hell did he go?

* * *

**So I'm sure all of you would probably like to throw me into a vat of hot chocolate for taking so long to update...What?! It's better than hot lava! Anyway, thank you for being so patient. I just recently published an original fiction, and am currently working on my next one, so it's been busy, busy, busy! If you'd like more information about my works, please find me on FB and I'll direct you to my author page!**

**Sunflower Fanfiction...Thanks for this on such short notice!**

**Until next time...**

**OzellaMarie**


	8. She's Just A Little Weird

**Chapter 8**

**She's Just A Little Weird**

* * *

I can't stand it anymore. Alice is going to drive me up a fucking wall with her damn toe tapping. It doesn't help that the glare she's throwing my way could probably slice through the Grand Canyon.

"What?" I ask her as she crosses her arms over her chest, squinting her eyes.

"That," she says, releasing her arms and pointing out the window to Bella's house, "is a nice girl. A little weird, but nice."

"I never said she wasn't nice," I reply, pushing away from the kitchen table. I make my way to the fridge and find exactly what I'm looking for. I twist the cap off my beer and take a long pull. "What are you getting at, Alice?"

"Do you really have to drink right now? It isn't even night yet."

My sister is a pest for a lack of better words. She always has been. When we were younger she always threatened to tell our mom everything bad thing I did if I didn't take her along with me and my best friend, Jasper. When we were in high school she threatened to tell everyone at school that I once dressed up as a chick on Halloween, thong and all, if I didn't persuade Jasper to ask her out on a date. Needless to say, I did not get him to ask her out and all of the school got wind of my cross dressing endeavor.

"What do you want, Alice?"

I let out a loud huff when she walks up to me and pats my head with the palm of her hand. "You haven't dated since you and Jessica broke up. I never liked Beasty Bitch, by the way."

"Get on with it," I tell her, moving away from her touch.

"I just think that Bella might be a perfect match for you. Don't you?"

"The girl is unstable! Were you not there? Did you not witness what I did? Or are you on the same ditzy planet that she's on?"

"Whatever, Edward. I just think that you should give the girl a chance, is all. Besides, she has the same sense of fashion that I do. What could be better than that?"

"Seriously," I say with a roll of my eyes. "Deal with two of you? Do I look insane?"

Maybe I am insane, because even though getting to know my weird, hot neighbor is against my better judgment, I can't help the pull I feel when she's around.

I take a breath and grab two more beers from the fridge and head to the front door.

"Where ya going?" Alice asks with her hands clasped and extreme hope in her eyes.

"Next door!"

And all that's left as I shut the front door is my sister in full squeals.

* * *

**Squealing Alice's are never good, folks. *shakes head* Sorry that it has taken so long for me to update this fic. I hope you all enjoyed this one!**

**Until next time...**

**OzellaMarie**


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